I know I am not the only mother that constantly gets comments like "wow you've got your hands full". My friend Rebecca A. gave me this great little comeback that I use every time "better full than empty" and I love this one. It works perfectly whether they meant it in a nice way or a mean way. Those that meant it in a nice way always get a smile on their face of yester year when their children were young and say something like "so true, so true". Those that meant it in a not so friendly way tend to look away and stop staring. All those insults, jabs and downright bazaar comments have been a regular topic of girl’s nights. So hears what I want from you. I want to know the things people say to you when you are out with your kids. I also want to know your comebacks if you have them. I want to have some nice little saying tucked away in my brain for the next time I'm grocery shopping in my pj's with screaming kids. So please share, even if I don't know you and you are just a friend of a friend. I want all the details.
17 comments:
Ok so I'll start the first one. My dear friend Amy A. was at the farmers market with her three darling girls and new baby boy. A man walking by her looked at them and said "what a nightmare". Can you believe it? I have to say that the only appropriate comeback I can think of involves a firearm.
One guy at the airport told me that formula was really bad for my baby. First of all, there was no physical evidence that she was bottle fed around. He just assumed that because she's a chunky baby that she's formula fed (we're ecstatic she's a chunk, FYI). And second, the only super chunky babies I've ever known have been breast-fed. And third, what other choice do I have, a wet nurse?! I can't nurse for goodness sakes! And Fourth, Who ever said formula was bad?!? GOSH.
The guy obviously didn't know what he was talking about, or my personal circumstances and I wanted to give him some crazy come back so that he would think twice about opening his I'm-a-parent-I-know-everything mouth. I regret to this day that I didn't have some sort of burn for him. I still can't think of anything clever. Blerg.
Two 70-ish old ladies walking by me in a grocery store isle. I had all three kiddos, and I do have to say that for that split second, they were almost behaving. One says to her friend, in her normal talking voice, if not louder for my benefit "I'm sure glad that's not me." Wow. I almost wanted to cry. Not because I was sad it was me, Oh no, on the contrary. For those poor old ladies who either never truly enjoyed their sweet children, or never had the blessing of having children and don't know what kind of a wonderful stage of life they missed.
Who knows, maybe they were referring to my flip flops, baggy eyes, and messy bun, but either way, I had nothing to say!!!
There is a reason that people feel the need to comment on multiple wee children/gorgeous young Mom tableau's. It is the wave of joyous energy that hits them when they are near you. It is unexpected and overpowering and unfamiliar to most people. Because there is more than one child it includes a handsome young man somewhere who knows how to make someone like you so intensely happy. The kindest thing to say no matter what they say is something positive about your children and not address their bitterness at all.
I was once in an elevator with my 3 small children and 2 well dressed and attractive 30 something business women. I felt ridiculous and out of place and out of control but held on to my sanity and my children's behavior. At the end of the ride one of them turned to me and said," How wonderful, I wish I had made the same choices as you."
Hahaha, these are so funny. I got a comment in the grocery store the other day. Noah is shy around strangers and doesn't like people he doesn't know to touch him. One friendly looking grandmother came up and started trying to tickle him and he roared at her. She got a disapproving look on her face and said, "I think somebody needs a nap."
I swear, I think older people in general must forget what it was like having young children themselves. I like the "better full than empty" line. It gets the job done and is nice enough to make the point. I agree with "mom" that being nice is always more satisfying than being bitter or annoyed openly. Why let some misearable person use up any of your emotional/mental space. Let it roll off and move on . . .
OK so I think this one takes the cake. My friend Betsy was watching her 4 children ride their bikes around the neighborhood when her neighbor asked her "how do you keep track of them all?" To which she responded "well we all look after each other". He then said "well if anything happens you have a spare". Now that is truly horrible.
No babies for us yet but I shall comment and say I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! You have the most precious little boys. Thanks for sharing!!
Anne, this is a good topic! I get the "hands full" comment all the time. My response is usually, "I am NEVER bored!" I think people then realize that a life lived only for yourself is lonely and boring. Not the kind I want! I have had many people say, "better you than me"...that one leaves me stumped. Should I respond, "Yes, I am definately a better mother than you could ever be!"?
I have to say I LOVE the "better full than empty line" I've got it stowed away for the next time, since I too get it ALL the time. I haven't heard (either that or I'm really good at tuning it out) horrible comments meant for me and my kids, but I've seen plenty of horrified faces and grumbles. To which I love to grin and get really close to the person with my "nasty, dirty" little creatures :).
I will say lots of people are very sweet though. Granted often only when we're all behaving :)...
Anne, I just love your quip. I normally say, "I wouldn't have it any other way." Except this one time we (Peter, Rachael and I) were on our way back from FL. I was pregnant with Lulu. Rachael had to sit in her Britax Marathon carseat now. And the crusty old lady was complaining that Rachael was kicking her seat. I told her if she didn't have her seat reclined then maybe my kid would have some place to put her feet. She got mad at me then pulled her seat up. Viola! My daughter quit kicking her seat. Rachael has been flying since she was 3 months and never had a complaint. I think some people are just grouchy.
When I get the "hands full" comment I put on my proudest smile and say "I know, I am such a lucky girl!" This usually leaves the commenter agreeing with me or speechless. Either way, I walk away feeling, well, lucky.
I do think it is best to take the high road and resist saying something snippy. But just once I'd love to say: "I know, it all comes from way too much amazing sex." Just to leave them totally shocked.
Wyatt just came in and saw the picture of the woman at the top of your post. He said: "That Mom is screaming because the kids colored on the wall and the baby has a poopy diaper." I guess he knows a thing or two about his Mom...
so glad you told us about your blog. you're on my google reader now :) cute boys!
when i was leaving the drs the other week with the twins and liam, i got the "hands full" comment. i said "yeah, but this is only half of them." she laughed a little, but not much--probably wasn't expecting that type of answer. my aunt, who had 6 boys would always say that half were hers and half were her husbands.
by the way i hope your liam is better behaved than mine!
When someone cares to comment on my chaotic life I like to just smile and say, "yes it IS fun!" or "Life would be so boring with only one."
Another suggestion I've gotten when asked inappropriate questions/comments is to turn it around to their situation so they can hear how the question sounds. For example when asked "Wow, you have four kids how can you do it?" respond with "You have only one kid how can you do it?"
BTW, I found your blog from Dacia's, you look great Anne and your boys are so adorable!
Julianne you're genius! I have told so many people about your way of responding.
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