Hazel's Birth Story Part 4

Eye to eye

As with each of my babies the universe stopped. Our eyes met and I knew it would be alright. She looked at me with eyes that belonged to a baby owl. Eyes that seemed to say I’ll take you as you are. It was as if two best friends had finally been reunited after 31 years apart. My heart sang and I could see a lifetime of memories we would make together. It was then time for the nurse to take Hazel for testing and Rory looked at me with a question in mind. “Go with her” I said. Then I would know she was ok and I wouldn’t worry, she was with Rory. 

Put together again

At this point the long process of putting me back together began. I felt like I was slipping into sleep, I had never felt so tired in all my life. As I slipped in and out of a sleep like state I could tell everyone was worried. I heard things like “she’s hemorrhaging” and “can’t stop the bleeding” and “blood transfusion”.  The feeling in the room was escalating but I had never felt more peaceful, like I was floating away. Then they told me they were going to put some pills under my tough to help the clotting. The problem was, I couldn’t swallow. My mouth had been filling up with foam and my throat muscles didn’t work. I kept trying to swallow but all those muscles were numb and I was too tired to explain this. The rest of the operation was a strange blur. But apparently things worked out. 

We’re all here

The next thing I remember is seeing my mom. I was so happy to see her there. At the time I couldn’t stop shaking and I could tell by the look on her face that I didn’t look well. I was told that Hazel was doing just fine and a wave of relief and happiness washed over me. We had made it! The nurses brought warm blankets to try and stop my shaking, but nothing seemed to work. At that moment Rory brought Hazel in and we finally got the time together that we deserved. I was in heaven and suddenly my shaking stopped. All I needed was my baby and it seemed that all was right with the world. I spent the next few hours getting to know my lady baby, starting to nurse her and slowly regaining use of my numb body. 

Why the peace?

It was the scariest experience of my life. Why had Rory’s blessing given us such a sense of peace? I asked myself this question in the still quiet hours that first night. The answer hit me like a ton of bricks. It left me so grateful for how things worked out. I realized now how blessed we were for so many reasons. If I hadn’t had a sense of peace I would have just canceled the induction appointment and waited to go into labor naturally. In fact I should have gone into labor early. Finn was almost three weeks early, so one would expect Hazel to come early too. Had I canceled the induction or gone into labor on my own she wouldn’t have made it. I would have stayed at home as long as I could without realizing the distress she was in. If my water had broken on its own, the three minute clock would have started without me even knowing it. We would have shown up to the hospital, bags in hands, expectation in our eyes only to deliver a still born. As these realizations came to me a feeling of gratitude washed over me. The tears began to fall and I gave a long prayer of thanks. I am so grateful for a heavenly father who knows us and watches over us. I have been so blessed and I hope to show my gratitude by being the mother my sweet children deserve. Thank you to all of you who prayed for us, brought us dinner and took care of us. It’s been a long road to recovery but we’re on our way.