So I have this idea in my head that I can change everything in my life for the better if I wake up 2 hours before everyone else. The areas of my life that drive me crazy and riddle me with feelings of failure are my homes order, my physical state and my spiritual growth. Oh wait that’s everything, I’ll break it down a little more.
I can’t handle my house being messy, and yet it seems to be messy at least half of the time. I’m not talking about “oh who left their shoes out” messy, I’m talking about “please excuse the Costco size bag of goldfish that is dumped out on the living room floor” messy. During the day it is a futile effort. I picture myself like some kind of cleaning robot that has three messing up robots following right behind her. Having a two story home seems to exasperate this problem. I’m upstairs finishing up while my little robots of destruction are downstairs doing their “work”. Then we switch and the cycle starts all over. I picture myself like one of those crazy ladies with the plastic wrapped furniture and the “off limits” rooms and I know that’s not what I want.
I want my children to play. To really play, to discover, to create, to explore and to feel free in their own environment. I want to play with them. I want to spend the day doing worthwhile activities that fulfill them educationally, emotionally, spiritually and get them excited about the world they live in. I have visions of us planting gardens, baking cookies, reading books, singing and painting all day long.
So in lieu of this fabulous child rearing experience I am trying to create I try not to do too much cleaning while they are awake. But where is the balance? By the time I put them to bed at 8: 00 everything is said and done by 8:30/9:00. I only have a few hours to myself and I refuse to spend them cleaning. I want to talk to my husband, go to a girl’s night, take a class, read a book, work on my calling or heaven forbid drag my exhausted self to the couch and watch some TV. In my world self fulfillment always comes before housework.
I refuse to be a martyr mother. The kind that takes pride in total and utter self sacrifice. It’s not the self sacrifice that bothers me; every mother puts in some serious self sacrifice. It’s the tinge of bitterness that comes along with it. As if she is a better mother for not focusing on the things that really make her feel alive. It’s the thought of being one of the moms who when her last child leaves the house she has absolutely no idea what to do with herself. Of course there will be a transitional period at that time but it’s the ones who five years later still call their kids ten times a day. So how do I find the balance? That is the 6 million dollar question that every mother asks herself every day.
So getting back to my theory. I think that if I woke up two hours early I can fix all my problems. The first one being my house being messy. If I spend one hour in the morning cleaning I think I can get the majority of it done. Let’s not forget that I have a cleaning lady who comes every once in a blue moon (weekly) and does the deep cleaning. That makes a huge difference and is why I should be able to handle everything else in 1 hour a day.
The second problem riddling me with issues is the baby weight. Finn is 6 months old, not 6 weeks, no more excuses. I have until the end of 2008 to loose the pregnancy pounds. There, I did it I put it in writing. Now I have no choice. I believe that with 30 minutes of working out every morning this will happen. Now to the last area.
We do pretty well with family scripture study but I’m really lacking on the quiet experience of personal study. My plan would be to use that last 30 minutes to read scriptures and get dressed for the day.
I have this visual of Dane Liam and Finn coming down the stairs all groggy eyed still in their PJ’s and there I am. Looking beautiful fulfilled and probably in some 1950’s leave it to beaver housewife dress. The boys notice the sparkling clean house and the hot breakfast on the table. We all sit down to eat and I share my newly attained spiritual insights. So is it possible? We shall see…
10 comments:
I had a science teacher in junior high who had trained himself to live on 4 hours of sleep - so he learned all these languages while everyone else was asleep.
I definitely think you could pull it off. Let me know how it goes and when you succeed, come visit me and I'll make you crepes :)
I love this post. I find that almost without fail every new year's I make the same resolutions. Like you said basically get better at EVERYTHING. I definitely think that having goals and working toward them is important but also taking stalk of the areas where things are going well. You are beautiful, witty, and have such an amazing family. I believe you can do anything...but do make sure you get enough sleep.
yo my friend! it was fabulous conversing with you in the wee hours of the night yesterday! how is it that you still had time to write this blog after all of that???? and also, how come you didn't write about the raw egg on your couch? anyways, i think you look fabulous and every time i've been to your place it's been spotless. and i really enjoy those goldfish on the floor. they are super tasty and a welcome treat for visitors!
I wish I could say it gets easier, but with every kid, my standards had to dip a little bit more. So now, only one room stays clean, while the rest is a barn, but give yourself a break -- you live in, like 900 square feet, so when it's messy, there's no where else to go. I find I feel better and am therefore a better mom when there is some order, however, but I am always trying to find the perfect balance. I do know that before you know it, you will have a kid in MIDDLE SCHOOL, so enjoy! Seriously -- !
I think as mothers we all struggle with these same issues, at least I do. If I could only wake up at a more decent hour and be DISCIPLINED at doing the house work, and reading my scripture life would be easier... I really think its about sticking to your plan. You can do it. you are a lucky girl with a cleaning lady... right now that is my one and greatest desire.
You should write a book or run your own radio show--something! Interesting stuff. Hey.. Maybe you could do that for 2 hours in the morning b/f your kids awake ? :)
Just what I needed to read this morning. Now, if I could only make myself go to bed early so that I can get up before my kids that would be great!
pure genius...if only us moms didn't adore sleep so much. I know Donna Robinson does exactly what you prescribed and she says it's changed her life!
I had the same thoughts! Now my only problem is when 5 AM rolls around, I roll over. I feel we are kindred spirits in our mothering. Now if I could just talk Peter into a cleaning lady. :)
Just wanted to say I LOVE this post. We really are not alone in our struggle to find the balance, aye? How comforting. There is no question you are doing better than you think.
Post a Comment